In three years, I will have graduated with my bachelor’s degree in psychology and starting the first year of a master’s program for biblical counseling. Hopefully, I will be attending a theological seminary and seeking a degree in biblical counseling. My end goal will be seeking a PhD in neuroscience and research. three years seems so far away and so close at the same time. There was time that I would have looked at three years like it was an eternity away and chosen to forgo any type of goal planning because the feat seemed exhausting and impossible. Now, as I look forward, I am more excited than I am afraid. The unknown no longer seems so daunting and uncertain. The more I succeed in pursuit of my bachelors, the more attainable this goal becomes. When I look back at the time that has passed, I realized all the time I have wasted on pursuits that were empty. I hope that this new view is a new opportunity to learn and grow from that. That time wasted can become time well spent…
“I Write to Find Out How I Feel About the Things I don’t Understand”
This was a quote from a movie I watched recently starring Nicole Kidman who played a writer. When asked why she writes she replied with, ” I write to find out how I feel about things I don’t understand.” That resonated with me on a level that I am learning runs deep. Writing for me in cathartic in many ways. I have always written just simple, unorganized thoughts and put them out into the world, only to meet the critics far before I met the compassionate. But even still, I have never fully walked away from it. Sometimes when I read over what I have written, it feels like I am meeting a woman I’ve never known. I’m surprised that certain words came from me because I am really not that deep and pensive… or am I? After all I did write it, it must have come from somewhere. So, I write to meet the me I don’t yet know. The woman with all the words I haven’t heard yet. To understand how I feel about the things I can’t fully understand but have unconsciously kept in a safe place for processing… It’s the black and white that makes it real and understandable. I wonder what will become of this small blog that took me years to find the bravery to finally write. Time will tell and maybe then, I will understand.
The Classics
I am an old soul and have been since I was a little girl. My husband often jokes that I am really an 80-year-old woman stuck in a 37-year-old woman’s body. I digress. My favorite show growing up was ” I Love Lucy”. My mom introduced me to this show when I was 7 years old. I grew up in a sheltered Baptist home so there were not many options to choose from. I would often settle on Nick at Night. Shows like “Happy Days” and “The Facts of Life” were often aired too but I Love Lucy was my absolute favorite. It often played in black and white most of the time and I would watch it on my very small bedroom TV. I loved the dynamics between Lucy and Ethel and all the headaches they caused Ricky and Fred as they got themselves into hilarious predicaments that only they could devise. One of my favorite episodes was when they got a job in a chocolate factory and couldn’t keep up with the conveyer belt. What is a girl to do when the chocolate is going too fast to package? Eat it, of course! I laughed so hard my stomach hurt some nights and always came back for more, even if it was a rerun I had already seen. My mom used to say she loved hearing me laugh and she just knew I was watching Lucy based on how much I was laughing, she didn’t even need to check, she just knew. Maybe I’ll find a happy moment and play some old reruns. This for sure is the happiest show I remember as a child and I’m thankful to still have those memories, even if they are in black and white.
Sunset and Soulshine
My favorite time of day is when the sunsets. I live close to the Wichita Mountains in Oklahoma and there are very few things that compare to an Oklahoma sunset. The sky is painted colors of orange fading into yellows and bright reds. Sometimes even purple makes an appearance. This time of day holds solace for me. It is the time I reflect on the day and process my good and bad moments. It’s often the most forgiving part of the day as well, as I prepare for the next day while the current day washes away.
Faithfully Grounded 